dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
