What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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