So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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