When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
