I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
