OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
