I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
