They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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