My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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