So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
