they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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