At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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