It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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