could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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