Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
