Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
