I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
