Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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