And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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