Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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