I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
