My cat gives me a boner
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
