His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You made out with two different species that night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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