so that wasnt chicken after all
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
