I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sarcasm needs its own font
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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