Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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