I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
