i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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