It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
