I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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