apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
