i jhust puked up my retainher.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
