dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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