Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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