my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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