I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
cat food counts as protein by the way
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
