just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
