My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were trust falling into bushes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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