I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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