What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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