I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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