i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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