Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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