Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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