You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
