So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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