you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
