i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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