woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
