i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
