the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.