i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.