So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.