I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...