Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dating After Heartbreak
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.