ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??