My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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