Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂