Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
