My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
