Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
