there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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