it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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