Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
