she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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