u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
