i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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