On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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