Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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