Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
