Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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