friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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