'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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