I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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