Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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