Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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