That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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