I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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