My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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